Greg Hitchcock's Stories of Stigma is a self-help book about overcoming shame that doubles as an anthology of stories about shame.
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Shame is one of the oldest emotions. It's one that we often shroud with stigma and a great deal of distance in misunderstanding. Despite being a persistent and commonplace feeling, we see shame as something to be avoided and reviled. Thus, it has been a topic of concern for philosophers, psychologists, and sociologists for centuries.
While shame may often be perceived negatively, it still has an intangible influence on how individuals and societies perceive themselves. Shame can also shape our relationships with others and how we engage with the world. There is a lot that shame pushes us to do or not do, and it's important to understand why that is the case.
The Philosophy of Shame
At it's basest form, shame is merely an inward direction of negative emotion. Inadequacy, inferiority, embarrassment and more can often contribute to feelings of shame. When we see that we have gone against expectations, societal or personal, shame can arise. This is different from guilt. Whereas guilt is a negative reaction of the self due to specific actions or habits, shame is more pervasive. Guilt leads to second guesses, but shame stops you in your tracks.
As such, the subject of shame as a fundamental human emotion has interested philosophers for millennia. There is argument as to where shame came about--is it something innate to being? is it the product of something specifically human? or perhaps it is just the product of human interaction and socialization? of cultures conditioning its citizenry?
The Philosophy of Shame: Origins
To better conceive of shame's possible origins, it is pivotal to consider what possible role it had during human evolution. There are claims that shame might have evolved as a mechanism to better regulate behavior, internally and societally, and maintain cohesion between family members and strangers. The experience of shame after violating social norms or internal standards motivates us to conform and avoid ostracism. This is essential for a society to form and prosper.
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From there, cultural ideas about shame can blossom. The society you find yourself in greatly shapes your ideas and reactions to shame. Vastly different cultures have vastly different norms and values, creating an almost kaleidoscopic interpretation of what can be shameful or not. An example of this is with public displays of emotion, in some cultures crying outside is considered okay or neutral while in some, it is very, very shameful. This is only one example of how varied the label of shame can be.
The Psychology of Shame
Being an entirely psychological reaction, shame, of course, has a profound effect on the mental well-being of someone. Successive and chronic instances of feeling shame can be devastating. A common symptom that would result from shame is low self-esteem. Shame is very much like water, in this case, eroding one's sense of self-worth. If left to fester, one becomes stagnant, unable to do anything worthwhile because they don't believe in their own abilities. Shame is also a major contributor to depression and anxiety. All of these can be diving points towards substance abuse since self-destructive behaviors that inhibit cognition are very effective in fighting off feelings of shame.
Understanding Shame and Yourself Better
Due to its societal impact, shame can affect one's relationships with others. Thus, it is important to understand what happens when we are ashamed. Normally, shame compels people to withdraw from social interactions--this can be temporary or long-term. Regardless, as we hide ourselves from the public eye, we tend to isolate ourselves--and in the worst cases, this may even include family--and get defensive. We feel as if the world is laughing at us, and we act accordingly. This leads to strained or broken relationships. Because of shame, we also tend to misunderstand the intentions of others, projecting our own anxieties and feelings of inadequacy onto the people around us. This creates a dynamic of toxicity that hurts both you and the other party, leading to resentment and establishing a cycle of frustration that feeds itself.
Fortunately, though, in recent years, we have seen a turnaround in the negative effects that shame brings. Through a thorough understanding of shame's role in modern society, we may yet create a new system to maintain the social order.
As we continue to deepen our understanding of the philosophy and psychology of shame, it is pivotal that this comes from a place of empathy and understanding. Click the link here to grab a copy of Stories of Stigma by Greg Hitchcock.
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